Sometimes life sends you a friend that you'll have the rest of your life. I was lucky enough to find such a friend many years ago, and she has been a follower of this blog since I started it.
Can you imagine my surprise and honor when she asked me if she could be
a guest blogger for me? For Mothers' Day? I said "yes" with tears in my eyes!
It is with great fanfare that I send you this Mothers' Day post, written from my dear
friend, Jan.
My friendship with the creator of A Toile Tale began in 1987 in Cincinnati, Ohio. A new family had moved in at the end of the
block and they had two teenage daughters; that meant two possible
babysitters! If my memory serves me
correctly, I packed up my 4 year old daughter and my 2 year old son and headed
down to meet the new neighbors. Linda Peterson opened the door and with a warm
smile, welcomed me and the kids in. That was the beginning of a 26 years (and
still going) friendship with Linda, Larry (Mr. Pressed Pants), Amy Peterson
Gralnik and Susie Peterson Yuhasz.
Though many miles separate us these days (Linda and Larry
live in the Atlanta area, Amy and Susie and their families live in the
Cleveland area and I am in the Los Angeles area) we are still very present in
each others’ lives. I attended both Amy
and Susie’s weddings and have watched them become accomplished adult women and
most importantly, wonderful mothers of boys (who you know thru Linda’s
postings).
There is so much to share about why I love the Petersons,
but since it’s Mothers Day, I’m choosing a story about my dear friend Linda –
mostly because I want to honor her. I’m
not sure Amy and Susie know this story about their mom, but considering the age
their boys are now, I have no doubt this heartfelt advice from their mom to me will
surely might come in handy if not now, someday soon.
Linda wrote me this very important message after we had been
talking on the phone. I had been sharing
some frustrations about one of my boys.
(Michael was age 15 at the time, so does this surprise you?) After we hung up, these very wise words came
to me via email on May 13, 2001. I
printed and saved these sentiments and have shared them with friends. The paper they are printed on is old now and
the edges are crinkled.
No matter how long ago they were written, this note from
Linda always provides me with the strength I need to be a good mom/right mom
even now that my children are adults. My
guess is these thoughts have/will apply to you and your life as well. It’s a Mother’s Day wish from me to all A Toile
Tale’s readers. These words never
cease to bring me to tears and make my heart hurt wishing I still lived right
up the street from my dear friend Linda.
Jan – I’ve been
thinking about you today. Mother’s Day
is really all about you and where you are in mothering right now. It is so much easier to give a bottle in the
middle of the night than it is to wait for a teenager to come home in the
middle of the night. It is so much
easier to watch a child who’s new at walking than one that’s new at
driving. It is so much easier to plan
play dates than to counsel a child on who or what to date.
You are in the trenches
right NOW, Jan. I just hope you see that
you are successful at your ”job”. Your
children are all so delightful and I love being around them. They are caring, sensitive, talented and most
of all, loving. They are quality
people. Their character and their values
are so special and that’s because a good mother has mothered them well….very
well. Please pat yourself on the back
today. Look at their sweet faces and
know that you’re doing a damn good job.
You can’t make their every moment perfect, but you shouldn’t. They need to learn to shoulder disappointment
as much as they need to shoulder responsibility. You’re not in charge of their happiness, just
everything else in their life; their safety, their education, their meals,
their haircuts, their dog, their clean sheets….everything else. Then, when you have done your job, they get
to go and make their own happiness.
We’re moms, not fairy godmothers.
There’s no magic wand….just day after day of lessons and discipline. Here’s a hug to one of the best moms on
earth. Love, Linda
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mothers who try so hard and
love so fiercely. Thank you Linda, for
always being there for me, no matter what.
You’ve taught me and modeled for me some of the most important things I
needed to know about mothering.
Xoxo, Jan Kincaid Clifford
Also remembering, with love, Mary Dora
Bancroft Kincaid (1921-2007) and Patricia Gray Clifford (1931-2000)
There is nothing more to say. Jan has written such a beautiful post and I love her for this.
LInda, thanks for sharing Jan's guest post. This is a beautiful tribute to you and a thoughtful message to moms everywhere. Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteIt is so interesting to learn that these women ever doubted themselves, because they always seem/ed perfect in every way.
ReplyDeleteWhat Jan didn't say in this post was that my sister and I became a part of their family very quickly. As Mommy's helpers, we learned so much from this wonderful family. Jan is a fabulously patient and loving mom of 3 amazing adults!
Mom and Jan- What great role models you both have been! We love and appreciate you both! Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!
Love Always, Susie